Sports

Dwyane Wade Would Like to Tell Heat Critics to Shove It (Sort Of)

​Dwyane Wade has gone from telling everyone this is his house to telling everyone to get off his lawn. D-Wade invited LeBron James and Chris Bosh to join him on the Heat so they could do something epic, namely stab everyone in the face with their awesomeness. Unfortunately, just about...
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​Dwyane Wade has gone from telling everyone this is his

house to telling everyone to get off his lawn. D-Wade invited LeBron James and

Chris Bosh to join him on the Heat so they could do something epic, namely stab

everyone in the face with their awesomeness. Unfortunately, just about

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everybody outside of Miami has decided to light a paper bag filled with shit at

the doorstep of the Heat’s house party celebrating this monumental teaming.

Criticism has been especially spiteful toward James. Not just because of the ill-conceived manner in which he went all Mola Ram on Cleveland by ripping its still-beating heart out of its chest on live national television. But also because he’s supposedly “deferring” to Wade, taking an easy route to a title (or two, or seven) rather than risk being the next Karl Malone and ending an otherwise storied career with no rings.

In an interview Tuesday, Charles Barkley told 790 The Ticket’s Dan Le Batard that when he was James’s age, he never would have joined Malone or even Michael Jordan to form a superteam, saying James ruined his chance to be “the man.” Incidentally, Barkley is a man who ended his career with zero championships.

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Wade heard Barkley’s comment, and went after his T-Mobile commercial partner:

“The worst thing I’ve heard is from a colleague, Barkley, saying if he was 25 like LeBron, he wouldn’t team up with guys. But when he got older, he tried to team up with Scottie Pippen and Hakeem Olajuwon. Why wait until you’re old and have nothing left in the tank?… I always say Barkley says things to keep himself relevant.”

After verbally cockpunching Barkley, Wade went after other critics:

“I have a big smile on my face. I’m playing with LeBron James and Chris Bosh. Why should I care what they say? No matter what owners, [general managers], or players say, we will have to play. We understood when we did this there would be some backlash.”

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No doubt the criticism and the hate will continue to spew from all corners of the NBA world at the new-look Miami Heat. It’s expected from fans of other teams, or even championless, taco-shilling curmudgeons like Barkley. Opposing general managers and players who keep doing it, however, are seriously risking a massive head-butt from Miami’s Hydra. It’s less of a warning and more of a forecast. Scattered clouds with a chance of getting your ass pummeled, courtesy of a “deferred” LeBron James and a Dwyane Wade, who is not only the Heat’s de facto leader but also its defender.

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