Mugshots Friday: A Hitler Moustache, Seriously Horrifying Face Tattoos, And Our Judgmental Mom

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken in Miami-Dade County in the week previous. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain-out look more badass than we ever will . This is the italicized intro to that series.

Arrested: 01/27

Charged with: Possession of a controlled substance.

They say you know you’ve made it when your look starts showing up in mug shots. Congratulations, Biebs!

Arrested: 01/28

Charged with: Possession of cannabis, drinking in public

Uh… you too, Hitz!

Arrested: 02/01

Charged with: Battery

We know you thought this was a classy operation. But it’s still the internet, and if we see a hot chick we’re contractually obliged to post her photos, along with the word “hottttttt”. (Seven “t”‘s is the industry standard.)

Arrested: 01/29

Charged: Carjacking, aggravated battery

Sometimes when we get really angry we say we hope you back in the next life as Pedro Jimenez. Now you know what we’re talking about.

Arrested: 01/28

Charged with: Armed burglary, grand theft, possession of a weapon by a felon

Also, we don’t usually play matchmaker, but if Pedro gets the boot, you got next dude. (P.S. The tattoo of our left says “Happy Times”.)

Arrested: 01/30

Charged with: Strongarmed robbery

Maybe it’s just the middle-aged dad in us, but we want to let our little daughter swing some plastic monkeys from those things.

Arrested: 02/01

Charged with: Child molestation

Hey, it’s the dangers of the internet personified.

Arrested: 01/31

Charged with: Burglary

Mennonite basketball player… Black samurai Forrest Gump Fuck it, we’re stumped.

Arrested: 01/30

Charged with: Aggravated Assault

Ma?! This is exactly what we’re talking about: How come you’re the one in the mug shot, but we’re the ones who feel like we’re being judged?
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