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Finally. A few Americans are getting back to their colonial roots and rejecting the fairytale of tomorrow’s Royal Wedding. While it doesn’t pack the same punch as throwing tea into Boston Harbor, South Florida’s Seminole Casino Coconut Creek is injecting a little real-word cynicism into the affair.
They’re giving away $1 million if Prince William leaves Kate at the altar. Hang on, that sounds more like a soul-crushing marketing move than anti-monarchist social commentary. In fact, it ranks right up there with that Facebook app that tracks friends’ relationship status so vultures can pounce on the heartbroken.
Those looking to profit from one young couple’s heartbreak are asked to swipe
their Seminole Players Cards at a casino kiosk before 9:45 a.m.
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tomorrow for a chance to win.
And tomorrow, if Kate Middleton stands solo at Westminster Abbey (tearfully
clutching her teenage poster of Prince William), the casino will award
$1 million to a random winner at 10 a.m. (Some small print: That cash
will be cursed with extremely bad karma and every time you buy anything
with it, a young girl will watch her new puppy get hit by a car.) If Prince William saddles up next to Kate and ties the Windsor knot,
the casino will giveaway $10,000. So basically, sadness is 100 times
more valuable than love.
What’s the likelihood that William will get cold feet? Well, from what
we hear, tuxedo rental in London is pretty steep and you don’t get your
deposit back if you change your royal mind. On the other hand, Prince Willy has
already refused to wear a wedding ring. Ruh-roh.
What’s the likelihood that such
Royal Wedding details have made you sick? Well, pretty high. Thankfully,
there are Royal Wedding vomit bags for just such an occasion.
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