Carlos Romero, a 31-year-old farmhand from Marion County, Florida, was recently arrested for committing a sexual act with a donkey, but when he was arrested, he told deputies that “Florida is a backward state, and people frown on zoophilia here.” Wait, are there forward-thinking, progressive states that don’t frown on…
Just as soon as it seemed the Florida Panthers had figured out how to not totally suck, the NHL is now in a lockout. Yes, the Panthers won their first divisional championship ever last year, and made it to the playoffs for the first time in 12 years, all with…
Earlier this year, we asked the question, “How do you know you’re a real Miamian?” Which obviously got us thinking: How do you know when you’re a real Floridan?This is a state full of retirees and transients. Even if you were born here, there’s a good chance your parents probably…
Yesterday’s now infamous leaked video in which Mitt Romney said it was his “job not to worry about those” 47 percent of people who don’t pay income taxes has certainly provided lots of fodder for his enemies. But even Romney supporters ought to be upset. The fact that their nominee…
As many as 1,209 workers could find themselves out of work soon. American Airlines has filed a notice with the state that it plans to layoff up to 1,414 people between November 16 and December 16, just in time for the holidays. The vast majority of those jobs will be…
Today’s photo comes from JuanMphoto’s Flickr. If you’d like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes…
Jeff Ireland, the Miami Dolphins general manager best noted for asking Dez Bryant if his mother was a prostitute, has let his mouth get him into more trouble. During Sunday’s game, a fan informed Ireland that he should “fire himself.” (Of all the things angry sports fans usually tell others…
So, we’ve had “Shit Miami Girls (and Guys) Say” and “Stuff Miami Heat Fans Say,” and now finally we have “Stuff Miami Hurricanes Fans Say.” Yeah, the guy behind the Miami Heat video has finally applied his magic to the Canes Nation. And it is totally true: No, we don’t…
If you see a large group of manatees suddenly show up in shallow water and start rubbing up against each other, there’s a good chance they’re humping, and you shouldn’t try to interrupt them.Recently, such a group has appeared near Siesta Beach on Siesta Key, and wildlife officials have had…
Leisure City K-8 Center, an elementary and middle school in Homestead, is on lockdown after a police chase ended nearby and a group of suspects ran into the school to escape police. Details on the situation are foggy at the moment, but police have set up a perimeter around the…
Mitt Romney, the least Hispanic person ever, really, really wishes he was actually Hispanic. Yes, the man who has accidentally quoted Fidel Castro and flubbed Cuban slang for lady parts thinks that if he was of Mexican decent, he’d have an easier time beating Barack Obama…
Today’s photo comes from Jafiallo1’s Flickr. If you’d like to see your photo here join our Flickr group…
Saturday Night Live premiered its 38th season over the weekend, and as expected in an election year, kicked the political comedy into overdrive. Aside from the debut of a new Obama impersonator and a riff on Clint Eastwood’s empty chair obsessions, the show got into some Florida specific (well, kinda)…
Smarting from yet another season ending playoff defeat to the Miami Heat, Boston Celtics coach Doc Rivers has unveiled his main focus for the offseason: installing pure hate for the Miami Heat deep inside the heart of every single member of the Celtics team.Uh, yeah, brainwashing your underlinings into blindly…
The Magic Kingdom is about to get a little bit more magical. For the first time in the Disney park’s 41-year history it will sell alcohol to its guests. Now, before you make plans to get blitzed and see how many times you can ride Space Mountain without ralphin’, we…
Despite the fact David Rivera has been continuously under investigation for one thing or another since even before taken his seat in the U.S. House, and despite the fact that there’s now suspicions that Rivera helped run the campaign of an apparent ringer in the Democratic primary in his district,…
Plans to erect a giant Walmart smack dab in the middle of the Wynwood/Midtown area have garnered headlines, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg for Walmart’s plans for Miami-Dade. The controversial big-box chain is looking to add six more stores in Miami-Dade in the next two years…
Jorge L. Godoy is behind bars today after appearing quite creepily behind a lot of windows. Police say Godoy made a habit of leering at woman through their windows, often while they were in a state of undress, while pleasuring himself. A handful of victims, including young girls, have been…
Usually halftime contests involving fans at sporting games are silly affairs, but the contest slated to go down at the Miami Dolphins’ home opener this weekend seems ridiculously tough. The team will give three fans a chance to win $10,000 if they can kick a 60-yard field goal. Think about…
Today’s photo comes from Izrael-12’s Flickr. If you’d like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes…
For years Republicans have been able to rely on solid support from the majority of Florida’s Cuban community, but one of the few public polls that actually includes figures specifically on Cuban voters says that President Barack Obama actually has a 16-point advantage over Mitt Romney among Florida Cubans…
After years of controversy, the NFL finally decided to ease its blackout rules this season. The Dolphins now only have to sell out 85 percent of Sun Life Stadium to ensure their games are broadcast on TV. Well, despite the eased rule and the fact that this weekend’s game is…
