305 Photo of the Day: Rising Sun
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Male Nurse Accused of Raping Patient at Kendall Hospital
Luis Alfonso Lucero, a nurse technician at Kendall Regional Medical Center, was arrested yesterday on charges that he raped an unconscious female patient. Lucero claims that the intercourse was consensual, even though the patient was under his care and was checked into the hospital for serious alcohol intoxication…
LeMieux: Now You’re Not The Charlie Crist That I Used to Know
Charlie Crist is getting awfully cozy to the Democratic party by endorsing Obama and planning to speak at their convention. It’s been awfully uncomfortable for George LeMieux. Crist employed LeMieux as his campaign manager and chief of staff, and then appointed him to the Senate.Now, LeMieux has spoken up in…
Cities With Worst Drivers: Hialeah Fourth, Miami Ninth
Sometimes Miami shows up on city rankings in spots that sort of irk us. Other times our rankings are pleasantly surprising. And occasionally we get ranked in a spot that makes us think, Yeah, that is totally accurate.So, we’re not exactly surprised that not one, but two Miami-Dade cities sit…
Dolphins Coach Joe Philbin Basically Idealizes Seinfeld’s George Costanza
One would hope their team’s football coach’s favorite fictional character was some hyper-masculine conquerer like Conan the Barbarian or Mel Gibson’s take on William Wallace in Braveheart. Sure, it would make them a drag to talk to at parties, but identifying with such brave warriors would hopefully channel into their…
305 Photo of the Day: Billiards Ballin’
Today’s photo comes from SeanWasHere’s Flickr. If you’d like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes…
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LeBron James Wants to Star in Space Jam 2
With his icon status its easy to forget that LeBron James was just a child in the ’90s, and like all millennials he recognize 1996 film Space Jam as the true cinematic masterpiece that it is. So obviously King James would love nothing better than to star in Space Jam…
Chad Johnson Could Face Up To a Year In Prison
Chad Johnson’s NFL career is all but over. His wife, Evelyn Lozada, has filed for divorce. His sponsors have dropped him. His reality TV series is canceled. The troubles keep coming, and now comes a report that Johnson could face up to a year in prison for assaulting his wife…
Remains of 100 People, Including Brains and Lungs, Found in Florida Storage Unit
You know that show Storage Wars where people bid on the contents of unpaid storage units? Well, imagine a situation like that, except the winning bidder finds out he’s bought a storage unit that contains the remains — including hearts, lungs, and 10 brains — that had belonged to over…
Victoria Jackson Is in Tampa Debating Super Heroes
Well, it wouldn’t be a crazy Republican sideshow without Miami’s own SNL-star-turned-Tea-Party-queen Victoria Jackson. Everyone’s favorite squeaky voiced conspiracy theorist is up in Tampa for the Republican National Convention with her video camera in hand. She’s already run into a super hero who fights political apathy. Even though Mr. Super…
Mitt Romney Polling Horribly Among Florida Women and Minorities
What stands between Mitt Romney and victory in Florida? Apparently women and minority voters. Barack Obama has hefty advantages in those two demographics according to the latest Time/CNN poll, which shouldn’t be too surprising considering his party has found itself embroiled in controversies in the past few years regarding women’s…
305 Photo of the Day: Reflections
Today’s photo comes from DKeros’ Flickr. If you’d like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes…
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Howard Schnellenberger Thinks the 2012 Canes Are the Best Damn Team He’s Ever Seen
While there are plenty of talking heads doubtful that Al Golden’s young Miami Hurricanes will even be able to win six games this season, old Howard Schnellenberger put down his pipe for a second, traveled down to Coral Gables, took one look at the team, and decided they were just…
Florida Man Calls 911 To Request Female Deputies Have Sex With Him
You can call 911 to come put out a fire, but that fire better not be in your pants. Yes, a Florida man sits behind bars after he tried to use 911 as his own personal sex service. He called the emergency service to request that female deputies report to…
Tampa Strippers Frustrated Over Lack of Horny Conservatives at RNC So Far
Perhaps no industry geared up for the Republican National Convention like Tampa’s strip club scene. Clubs redecorated, added extra privacy, revamped their food menus, and even brought in famous talent. Yet, on Sunday night at least, the clubs seemed pretty barren ahead of the start of the convention…
Connie Mack is Like Best Friends With Lynyrd Skynyrd
Marco Rubio loves Nicki Minaj. We’re just going to guess that World’s Greatest Elevator Music Vol. 1 is Bill Nelson’s favorite album of all time. But what does Republican Senate candidate Connie Mack IV listen to? Confederate flag-embracing rockers Lynyrd Skynyrd, of course…
305 Photo of the Day: Floating
Today’s photo comes from Jaiphoneography’s Flickr. If you’d like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes…
Rush Limbaugh Seems to Think Obama Is Responsible For Isaac Heading Toward Tampa
Rush Limbaugh sure knows a lot about hot air, so, you know, he’s pretty much an expert on hurricanes. He seems to think that President Barack Obama is personally responsible for guiding Tropical Storm Isaac to Tampa, or something. Nothing he says really makes much sense…
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Jennifer Lopez’s Old Miami Beach Mansion Back On the Market For $40 Million
Jennifer Lopez sold her Miami Beach mansion for $13.9 million back in 2005. The new owners originally put the La Gorce Island home on the market for $29 million in 2010. It didn’t sell, so now they’ve changed the price. A discount? No. It’s now listed for $40 million. All…
Florida Teen Accidentally Shot Himself In the Crotch
A Florida teenager is recovering after accidentally shooting himself in the dick. Obviously, all of Florida is hoping and praying that this genius will recover and one day be able to procreate.The incident happened early Thursday morning in Port St. Lucie. Police arrived at the local hospital to check out…
Dear Dems, Please Do Not Run Charlie Crist for Governor
Dear Democratic Party of Florida,Rumors have been swirling that Charlie Crist would be joining your party ever since he got his ass handed to him Tea-Party style in the 2010 Senate race. Now there’s very specific gossip going around that he’ll announce his official membership in your party in a…
305 Photo of the Day: Purple Shadow
Today’s photo comes from SeanWasHere’s Flickr. If you’d like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes…