Hugo Chavez Toilet Paper Is a Hot Seller on Calle Ocho

Calle Ocho mainstay Sentir Cubano has long sold Fidel Castro toilet paper, but Fidel now has a new friend to hang out with while rotting away in a septic tank: Hugo Chávez. Yes, the store now sells toilet paper that features that oh-so-charming mug of Hugo. Dubbed “The XXI Century…

Charlie Crist Holds 11-Point Lead in Senate Race

When Charlie Crist announced his candidacy for Senate, everyone kind of threw up their hands and thought, Well, guess ol’ Charlie is gonna be our next senator. But then he hugged Obama, and Marco Rubio and his brave battalion of Tea Partiers stormed his ships and threw all of his…

Three Men Shot at Heathrow Lounge

Heathrow Lounge in Miami Beach is supposed to have a classy, vaguely British atmosphere, but it’s located on Washington Avenue, so of course it still has the occasional Miami-style violence.The club was hosting some sort of Father’s Day bash (because nothing says “excellent dad” like hitting up the club. “Sorry,…

Marlins Will Hand Out 15,000 Vuvuzelas This Saturday

The Marlins seem intent on bringing currently the most dreaded part of the world’s favorite slow-paced, low-scoring sport to America’s favorite slow-paced, low-scoring sport: the blasted vuvuzela. Yes, the first 15,000 people (assuming more than that actually show up) to head to Saturday night’s game at Sun Life stadium against the…

Gloria Govan Leaves Basketball Wives, Says Shaunie O’Neal Misled Her

Basketball Wives, VH1’s Miami-set train wreck involving NBA-connected ladies, might be coming back for a second season, but one of the cast members won’t. Gloria Govan, the painfully boring and unentertainingly drama-free wife of the Orlando Magic’s Matt Barnes, will not return for her closeup, according to the Orlando Sentinel.The…

Rick Scott Has Business Connection With Mexican Playboy

Suddenly surging Republican gubernatorial candidate Rick Scott has so, so much money we really can’t expect him to know what he has done with it all. Though, surprisingly for a guy who has built a sizable portion of his platform on adopting Arizona’s controversial immigration laws, which some people see…

Scientific Research Confirms Club Bouncers Are Racist Dicks

Anyone who’s ever done time in a South Beach club line already knows this: Club bouncers judge you.Lauren Rivera, an Ivy League-educated sociology researcher at the Kellogg Institute, ended up infiltrating an unnamed trendy club in Manhattan (probably the kind this guy frequents) by working as a coat-check girl. After…

Luxury Auto Theft Ring Uncovered

Police have put a stop to a massive luxury car theft ring. The elaborate scam targeted rental cars, and in an investigation yesterday police recovered more than $250,000 in stolen vehicles from an undisclosed warehouse somewhere in North Dade.”These are high-end vehicles, so they’re worth a lot of money. This…