News Roundup: Police Searching for Driver who Hit Two Bicyclists

A Judge ruled the use of red light cameras illegal in Aventura. [CBS4]Police are searching for a driver who hit two bicyclists early yesterday morning. He didn’t stop, and then abandoned the car believed to be stolen. [WSVN]The School Board fears the district’s budget could be $250 to $350 million…

Pole Dancers Thrust for Olympic Status

The Winter Olympics may be getting dismal local ratings, but if the pleas of poll dancers across the world to have their “sport” recognized by the Olympics are heeded, we’ve got a feeling ratings would shoot through the roof.  “After a great deal of feedback from the pole dance community,…

Marlins Pitcher Jose Ceda Shot His Friend, Dick Cheney Style

Eventually, we’re all going to end up unwittingly shooting one of our friends. It happens. It happened to Dick Cheney and his hunting buddy. It happened to Charlie Sheen when he inadvertently capped then-fiancée Kelly Preston. It happened to Plaxico Burress and his thigh. Now the Marlins’ Jose Ceda has admitted…

3,000-Year-Old Sarcophagus Siezed at MIA Will Head Back to Egypt

We can only imagine the wacky stuff people try to get through customs at Miami International Airport, but a 3,000-year-old sarcophagus certainly stands out. The fancy ancient Egyptian coffin belonged to a fellow named Imesy sometime around 1,000 B.C. but was stolen from Egypt in 1884. After being put on display in Madrid…

Rubio Now Leads Crist by 18 Points Among Likely Voters

Voters don’t go to the polls until August, but Marco Rubio, once the underdog in the Republican Senate Primary, appears to have Gov. Charlie Crist down for the count.According to a new Rasmussen poll of likely Republican voters, Rubio now leads Crist 54 percent to 36 percent. By a rate…

News Roundup: Fins’ Will Allen Gets Douchiest DUI Ever

Sources tell CBS4 that businessman Carlos Migoya will be named Miami’s new city manager. [CBS4]11 wild horses in Hialeah were captured this weekend. [CBS4]Kim Rothstein was still collecting rent on houses that had been forfeited to the government. [NBCMiami]SportsDolphins cornerback Will Allen got arrested early Saturday morning for …ugh… driving his Ferrari drunk on…

Jen Stark, Freegums Among Artists Awarded Live-in Studio Space by LegalArts

LegalArt, in conjunction with the Knight Arts Foundation, has announced the first residents of its Live/Work program. What is Live/Work? LegalArt describes it as basically a subsidized artsy commune which will offer legal and professional services:LegalArt’s plan includes thirteen 900 square foot studios with a communal kitchen and showers; exhibition,…

Mitt Romney Fails to Have LMFAO Arrested After Airplane Scuffle

We haven’t had much love for Mitt Romney since he visited here in a guayabera, bungled a bunch of local politicians’ names, and accidentally quoted Fidel Castro, but we sure as hell don’t have love for LMFAO. The “I’m in Miami, Bitch!” hit-makers are just the absolute worst, and if we…

Marco Rubio Loves Waterboarding and Is Satan Because of It

Does Marco Rubio love torture? The Washington Post’s Dana Milbank sure seems to think so.During Rubio’s CPAC speech yesterday, the crowd of conservative activists couldn’t get enough of shouting, “Marco! Marco! Marco!” “That Marco cheer always worries me because I’m always afraid that someone is going to starting screaming ‘Polo’ and would ruin…

Conch Horn Confiscated at Miami-Duke Basketball Game

Not only did Hurricanes basketball blow a first-half lead and lost to Duke, but also a fan blew his conch and lost it to security.The Canes’ student section doesn’t get a lot of credit during basketball season, but Blue Devils coach Mike Krzyzewski got pissed at a conch horn in…

Miami Is the Sixth Most Miserable City in America

We dreamed a dream in time gone by. When hope was high and life worth living. But the corrupt politicians come at night with their voices soft as thunder. As they tear your mortgages apart and they turn your job to shame.Yes, we here in Miami are apparently les misérables…

News Roundup: Lil Wayne Gets Eight Root Canals

Lil Wayne had his sentencing delayed so he could return to Miami for oral surgery. Well, TMZ said he underwent a marathon session yesterday and got eight — yes, eight! — root canals. You’d think that would be punishment enough for his weapon charges, but he’ll still likely spend eight…

No Boozer or Big Trade for Miami; Wade’s OK, But Will He Stay?

It was already clear that we wouldn’t be getting Amar’e, but last minute rumors that The Heat might be landing Carlos Boozer from the Utah Jazz appeared to be unfounded.”That was like, huh, what?” Jazz general manager Kevin O’Connor said this afternoon, according to the Deseret News.So that means no…

Miami-Dade Ranked 11th Healthiest County in Florida; #1 in Category That Takes Risky Sexy, Drinking into Account

Well, here’s something slightly counter-intuitive. Miami-Dade county is apparently the 11th healthiest out of Florida’s 67 counties. What’s more is that we ranked the healthiest in the state in “Health Behaviors,” a category that takes into account smoking, binge drinking and risky sex.CountyHealthRankings.org found that Miamians’ rates for tobacco smoking,…