PETA would probably make Jay Phillips out to be a villain for his joke about the harmonic sound of a dog being kicked, but we just like to call him funny. His canine karate work aside, Phillips is the type of comedian who uses his face and body for a…
Magic City Kitty: I give good head. Just not to him!
Even if Santa didn’t bring you the 50-foot yacht you asked for (for the 19th year in a row!), you can still spend the day after Christmas ebbin’ and flowin’ on the high seas with a pretty lady. The Venetian Lady, that is. So pack your bowl full of kush…
This is the time of year when animal gift-giving is at an all-time high. When kids ask, “How much is that doggy in the window?” and parents across the country bend to their offspring’s transparent hinting and purchase said canine. Hell, Paris Hilton probably opened a couple of brightly wrapped…
Hello, Kitty: I was with a girl for a very long time before my five years in prison, and we’ve stayed together. She loves me very much and has vowed she will stand by me until I come home, but a few days ago she told me she wasn’t happy…
The Magic City doesn’t have Aspen’s majestic snow-capped mountains or New York’s elaborate labyrinth of concrete, but Miami has plenty of comparable qualities. And it’s sick of you just pointing out your favorite Pollo Tropical location when giving out-of-towners the grand tour. The Ecoadventures staff is nice enough to share…
If you thought a Russian piano player was a vodka-based cocktail served with a sharp turn of the wrist, a flat fist to the bar, and a garnish of black and white keys, you could be on to something. And you could also be overlooking Natasha Marin and Maria Demina,…
A heaping cupful of sugar, two eggs, a dash of salt, a pinch of nutmeg, a splash of milk, and a nip of vanilla equal a fantastically failed soufflé. An enthusiastic you, chef Katherine Cardoso, and the beautiful instructional kitchens at the Biltmore’s Culinary Academy equal the Holiday Baking class,…
First the Grinch stole Christmas with his spindly, lettuce-hued fingers, and then our landlord ruled that denominational holiday decorations be kept far away from all balconies, windows, and common areas. But Coconut Grove artist Glenn Terry is bringing the yuletide back with a viewing of his locally shot Christmas Film…
Magic City Kitty: I’m in jail. Can I lock her down?
A month ago, the choosy choosertons from the Wilhelmina Modeling Agency hit SoBe looking for the next health-and-fitness model — AKA the next hot piece of tail — hot enough to rep the firm known as one of the most elite sources of the long, lean, and leggy. Entrants had…
Last Thursday, controversial reggae star Buju Banton (aka Mark Anthony Myrie) was busted for trying to buy nearly 15 7 kilos of cocaine from an undercover DEA informant. Myrie is as notorious for unapologetic, anti-gay lyrics as he is for his wine-worthy music, but according to the AP he could be looking at…
via Highsnobiety.comAhh the holidays. A time when the mask of organized religion covers up the filthy, greedy, boozy underbelly of America at its worst. It’s the time when you troll epicurious.com for the stuffing recipe that will kick the fucking dogshit out of your favorite cousin’s casserole of cubed bread,…
Billy Crystal is bringing his 700 Sundays to town. As if we’d ever actually get more than 52 of those a year. More uncalled for cruelty. Humph. DC rapper and underground boywonder, Wale is performing at Mansion tonight. His show is a good reason to get wasted and hit up the…
Hello, Kitty: I’m having issues with a new girl. I can’t figure out if I’m settling for less or just being shallow. We’ve been dating for about three months and things are pretty great. Emotionally and mentally we really click, but physically she’s just not clearing the bar. The problem…
Magic City Kitty: She’s too skinny for my sausage
There was plenty of imported NY snatch traipsing around Miami for Basel, but perhaps the most famous receptacle of naughty body parts designed to give you pleasure was the aptly named The Box. Straight from the Lower East Side and towing a reputation for providing some of the most naughty,…
Hello, Kitty: I’m a full-time girlfriend and a part-time stripper, and though it’s been easy to juggle my two lives so far, I think the shit is about to hit the fan. My boyfriend is superconservative, and I mean Bible study, no cursing, dinner at 6, no drinking, no nothing…
Comedian Bill Maher has alienated politicians, religious zealots, and your pot-protesting mama with his political satire and commentary, but if you’re on the “right” side of things (and even reading this paper), chances are that you find yourself nodding your head in agreement when he unleashes one of his trademark…
Chestnuts are roasting on the sun-warmed sidewalk, and tiny tots are in their strollers crying like hell. It’s Christmastime in Miami, and even though the weather isn’t quite wintry, the usual holiday detectors are still at play. Sure, Walgreens has been celebrating since 11:59 Halloween night, but it ain’t Xmas…
Have you ever heard the sound of a tween girl screaming? It’s lengthy and piercing, effortlessly fading in and out of dog-whistle decibel range. It’s a sound you’ll certainly hear at this weekend’s Fantasy Twi-Life Tour, an extravaganza dedicated to the phenomenon that is Twilight. If you haven’t heard about…
Olives, vermouth, and a raven-haired bombshell. Shake. Dita Von Teese, one of the dolls at the forefront of the nouveaux burlesque movement, has made writhing in a martini glass more popular than actually drinking one. Her corseted 16-inch waist has inspired a generation of women tired of tube-like bods. Legend…
