Without Miami Heat playoff basketball, May is an abysmal time for South Florida sports. The only thing keeping us entertained is whether the godawful Marlins can score five runs in a loss so we can snag some half-off Papa John’s pizza. There is little else going, and sadly we are still a couple of months away from the sports scene picking up.
Real Miami Heat fans miss Chris Bosh. A lot. More than someone should miss a professional athlete. Sometimes they watch YouTube videos just to get a fix of Bosh draining jumpers in a Heat uniform.
It’s been nearly three years since LeBron James left the Miami Heat for his hometown Cleveland Cavaliers. To be precise, it’s been 1,041 days, of which 715 were work days, not that we’re counting or anything. For Miami, it was supertough to see the greatest athlete on the planet leave our favorite team, but as time has passed, the pain has subsided.
The narrative surrounding the Miami Dolphins has changed. Around this time last year, the Fins were the butt of everyone’s jokes. They were an annual disappointment. Fans were lucky to even be disappointed, because that meant that at some point, the team had at least tricked you into expecting something from it. For years, Miami sat by and watched other NFL fans open presents, while they got nothing.
Remember a couple weeks ago when everyone was superpumped about Jeb Bush and Derek Jeter snatching the Miami Marlins from the cold, clammy hands of Jeffrey Loria? Those were a fun 24 hours. Since then, it seems much more likely that Loria will at least delay any sale until next spring, when he doesn’t have to share any profits with taxpayers. In the meantime, other bidders could still sneak into the picture.
Did you see what happened April 30 in Edmonton, Canada? The hometown Oilers and the Anaheim Ducks were moments away from dropping the puck for Game 3 of their Round 2 National Hockey League playoff game. Only the formality of the singing of “O Canada” and “The Star-Spangled Banner” stood between fans and game action.
Time to load up on cafecitos, Miami: Things are about to get superboring around here for sports fans. With the Dolphins draft in the rear-view mirror, the Heat and the Panthers missing the playoffs, and the Marlins, well, being the Marlins, there just isn’t much to speak of when it comes to South Florida sports right now.
Jeffrey Loria is about to get away with the heist of the century, and there is nothing anyone can do. With the Marlins reportedly on the verge of a sale that would net the team’s owner more than $1 billion in profit off his initial $158.5 million investment in 2002, Loria is the big winner.
The Miami Marlins have reportedly agreed in principle to sell the team to a group headed by former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush and New York Yankees legend Derek Jeter for $1.3 billion dollars. Yes, it’s finally happening. If the reports are accurate, Jeffrey Loria and his moustache-twirling henchmen will soon…
The Heat are out of the playoffs and Hurricane football is months away from any real action. Aside from hoping Jeffrey Loria hurries up and sell the Marlins, that means most Miami fans have entered prime season for speculating about who the Miami Dolphins will select in the NFL Draft.
Everyone rightfully hates Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria, so it’s easy to immediately hate his decision to build a ten-foot bronze statue in honor of Jose Fernandez. And plenty of people did just that. The Miami Herald’s Fabiola Santiago accused Loria of “cashing in” on the ballplayer’s death, while Fox Sports Radio’s Ben Maller argued that anyone who killed two other people while high and drunk doesn’t deserve such a public honor.
New York Knicks President Phil Jackson made it pretty clear Friday that ten-time NBA All-Star Carmelo Anthony is on the trading block when he told reporters that Melo “would be better off somewhere else.” Let the negotiations with teams that would like to acquire his services begin! Even though Melo and Jackson haven’t seen eye-to-eye, it was pretty stunning to see him straight-up announce that his best player and future Hall of Fame forward is a goner.
Chances are you haven’t given much thought to the source of your favorite emojis. Every once in a while, a couple of new yellow-faced options or farm animals pop up, and you’re mildly amused for a minute but unimpressed overall. Emojis rarely speak to you — unless, of course, you brought to life the wonderful Miami emojis New Times created last year. Those were dope.
Tonight is the last night of the 2016-17 regular season for the Miami Heat. Fans have grown accustomed to this time of year as just the beginning, not the end, of all the fun. But we won’t know until after tonight if the Heat will get to continue playing: Miami needs to beat the Washington Wizards, and the Bulls or Pacers must end up with a loss.
The 2016-17 season is one of Pat Riley’s greatest achievements with the Miami Heat. Yes, this season, when there’s still a good chance the Heat won’t come close to raising another banner or planning another parade on Biscayne Boulevard. This Heat team’s never-say-die comeback has shown the entire league why Riley is a legendary NBA executive.
Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson is the busiest man in Hollywood. He churns out movies faster than DJ Khaled can say, “Another one.” He’s the highest-paid actor in Hollywood, and he looks like he could line up for the Dolphins tomorrow at inside linebacker. He’s so awesome that in lieu of calling him by his awesome nickname, people now call him by the name his mother gave him at birth, just because he asked nicely.
The next week of Miami Heat basketball is important, which is miraculous considering where the team sat in the standings three months ago. The Heat is desperately trying to make the playoffs after starting the season 11-30. For exactly half a season, the Heat was the second-worst team in the NBA.
Here is what you need to know about a team that has the ceiling of average and the floor of, well, Marlins.
English rock band Radiohead is scheduled to kick off its A Moon Shaped Pool world tour tonight at the American Airlines Arena. The band plans to hit nine venues throughout the United States leading up to a headline performance April 14 at Coachella in California. The tour will continue in Europe through July.
It’s been almost three years since LeBron James last bounced a basketball for the Heat, but constant reminders remain of his four-season tour in Miami. No, we’re not talking about your dad and his Tourette’s-like stream of profanity that flares up every time he sees LeBron on TV. We’re talking about the No. 6 Heat jerseys that still litter the South Florida landscape.
The Miami Dolphins should be the team that makes a phone call to Kaepernick. They should sign him and make him their backup quarterback. The decision really shouldn’t even be all that difficult.
The marriage between HBO and Dwayne Johnson takes the next step Monday when Rock and a Hard Place, a documentary Johnson produced, airs on the channel. The documentary follows incarcerated juveniles looking to cash in on a second chance as they attempt to conquer and complete the Miami-Dade County Corrections & Rehabilitation Boot Camp…
