Let me get this straight

So at around the 7:04 p.m. mark of the Miami-Dade County Commission’s nine-hour bull session to approve the Florida Miami Marlins’ new stadium, Commissioner Sally Heyman posed a rather simple business question. She asked what would happen to the ballpark’s projected $1.9 billion cost if the municipal bond interest rates…

Stadium Approved, Good Friggin’ Riddance

My favorite moment in yesterday’s nine-hour discussion of the new $2 billion Marlins Stadium came at 9:27 p.m., when Commissioner “Space Cowboy” Javier Souto began defending himself from concerns that Mayor Carlos Alvarez runs him like an Italian train: “My vote is not for sale, rent, or lease,” Souto said. “Whichever…

Say No to the Stadium

Today the Miami-Dade County Commission will vote to build the Florida Marlins a new stadium. Or not. I hope they don’t. This deal is such a stinker I don’t know how Mayor Carlos Alvarez, the stadium’s chief cheerleader, doesn’t walk around wearing a gas mask every time he is out…

South Florida According to Brooklyn: To My Haters

To read past installments of Miami According to Brooklyn, click here. This week is addressed to my haters. First off, I’d like to thank you for taking the time to read my column. Second, the things that I write and talk about are just one man’s opinion. I just throw…

Forget the Stadium. Joe Sanchez Just Won the Mayor’s Job.

If you weren’t paying attention to any news media in town yesterday, you might have missed that Miami commissioners voted 3 to 2 in favor of the new baseball stadium in Little Havana.But even those who were watching probably failed to notice a salient fact: Joe Sanchez basically locked up…

Letters from the Issue of March 19, 2009

Deserters Get Their Just Deserts You darn crybabies: In response to Megan Feldman’s March 12 story, “Move Out!”: I have no sympathy for people who volunteer for duty and then want to use bullshit excuses like “illegal war” to shirk their responsibility. During Vietnam, many were drafted and in spite…

The Woman Whisperer

It’s an easy, breezy Tuesday evening at Monty’s (2550 S. Bayshore Dr., Coconut Grove) when Chris, a short, 27-year-old Cuban-American with a handlebar mustache, jitters past a circle-jerk of about 15 middle-age shrimpers hunched over the tiki-thatched patio’s main bar. Their necks are the same color as the pink sunset…

Chuck Rules, Bill Bites

Today Bill Cooke at Random Pixels took a shot at New Times and editorial jefe Chuck Strouse. He wrote: I used to love Miami New Times. When I lived in Coconut Grove I knew where the paper was delivered on Wednesday and usually snagged a copy by early afternoon. Since…

BET’s College Hill: South Beach Premiers Next Week

College Hill is basically BET’s answer to the Real World, but with a lot less transsexuals and eye-liner wearing boys from Utah, and a lot more students from historically black universities. Seven students from throughout the country live together for a semester. In the first few seasons I think they…

Organic hipness

When Banana Republican is not out trolling the streets of Miami in search of corrupt politicians, inept bureaucrats, scoundrels, outlaws and other riff-raff that deserve exposing, I like to check out the hipster scene. I’ll roll up a nice fat banana peel, pour a little Macallan’s malt scotch whiskey into my…

The Week That Was

The Herald started out its week on various death lists, cut 175 people (including one on her birthday), and left people questioning whether Miami will even have a daily paper anymore. Meanwhile, one of the paper’s more infamous famous employees landed a job, because there is no justice in the…

The Real Housewives of Various Governor’s Mansions

I was just checking the ol’ RSS reader, and discovered that Naked Politics has a post up alerting readers to outtakes from The Real Housewives of New York City featuring Florida’s First Lady Carole Rome.  I am insanely jealous we did not have this first (btw, anyone notice that the…

South Florida According to Brooklyn: Spring Break Is Here

To read past installments of South Florida According to Brooklyn, click here. Spring break is here, and the streets of South Beach are filled with jackasses. I’ve noticed more and more as I get older and wiser, that the people who come here from out of town care less and…

Shear Genius at D&L Salon

If Dee Adames – Miami’s mohawked winner of  the second season of Sheer Genius – could describe herself as any animal, she’d choose a cat. “They’re mysterious and slightly territorial,” she laughs as muted episodes of the Bravo reality show in which she won plays on a flat screen inside…

Glenn Straub: Too little too late

Hey Glenn Straub. I WANT to watch baseball downtown,. I WANT to TAKE the Metromover to games,But I wish you would just shut up.Straub penned a letter to the public (which you can find on the jump) defending his idea for a downtown stadium. But we’ve moved too far with…

Inspect no commissioners or the mayor

This past March 4, the Miami-Dade County Inspector General’s Office announced it had nailed a county vendor falsifying his insurance paperwork in order to get a county contract. Thanks to the inspector general’s investigation, the Miami-Dade State Attorney’s Office was able to charge Eddy Joe Allen Sr. with eight counts…

Letters from the Issue of March 12, 2009

O for O’Barry Hero: Ric O’Barry, as described in Natalie O’Neill’s March 5 story, “Free O’Barry,” is indeed a hero. There is no doubt about that. There is also a villain, and it is the marine captivity industry that makes millions of dollars off the misery and deaths of intelligent…

1048 Condoms on the Beach. And we’re no. 3.

Now comes the news that Florida — thanks, Curtis Morgan — is number three in the nation for trashiest beaches after California and North Carolina. Come on! One thousand, three hundred and forty-eight condoms. That’s nothing for South Beach. (A friend of mine from NY used to call em Coney…

George Burgess needs another vacay – a permanent one

Okay I just finished reading the Miami Herald’s latest report on the Florida Marlins stadium boondoggle and Miami-Dade County Manager George Burgess needs to call it quits. Seriously. There comes a point when a top executive just has to come clean and tell his shareholders – in this case Miami-Dade…