Stitches Joins eBay, Selling “STITCHES DONK” for $12,600

What’s Miami native, “Brick in Yo’ Face” rapper, internet celebrity, and self-proclaimed cocaine king Stitches do when he’s gotta fund a reup? Apparently, he joins eBay, lists his “STITCHES DONK,” and waits for the bidders to bring a briefcase full of donk dollars to his “threshold.” (That’s Stitches speak for…

Miami Police: Call in the Feds to Stop Shootings

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke calls for the federal government to investigate gang bangers. Across Miami-Dade County, black communities are under siege. Local…

Rick Ross Gets Miami Heat Face Tattoo

The Bawse got that Fuego fever. After four straight trips to the NBA Finals and two championships, our Miami Heat (or el Miami Fuego, as the team is known during the National Basketball Association’s annual Noches Latinas) has gotten off to a lackluster start for this 2014-15 season. We lost…

Marco Rubio Will Never Be President

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke predicts Marco Rubio’s political future. Despite all his blustering about making a run for the Oval Office, Florida…

2015 Is Going To Be Crazy Weird

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke makes bold predictions for 2015. In 2014, people fed up with white cops killing unarmed black men marched…

Miami’s Ten Best Restaurants Reviewed in 2014

For Miami dining, 2014 was the year of simplicity. There was, as has long been the case, the onslaught of celebrity chefs planting their flags on our shores. But beyond these big names, homegrown culinary talent continued to boil down cuisine into its simplest, most delicious form…

Cleo Offers Classy, Affordable Mediterranean Fare in SoBe

At Cleo, the Redbury Hotel’s new eatery, Danny Elmaleh proffers a dip called lebaneh. To make it, the soft-spoken chef-partner lets kefir cheese drain for 48 hours and then adds olive oil, lemon juice, and za’atar (his version is a blend of thyme, sesame seeds, and sumac). Finally, he tosses…

The U Part 2 Got It Wrong: Nevin Shapiro Is Not Like Me

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke makes it clear he is nothing like Nevin Shapiro. Everyone, including Jeb Bush, is raving about filmmaker Billy…

Obama’s Cuban Reform Doesn’t Go Nearly Far Enough

Yenis Delgado is a green-eyed, 45-year-old Cuban beauty. She left the island a decade ago with her husband and young son. Her dad stayed behind, though, and it’s hard to keep in touch. Calls cost $1 per minute. Sending gifts sets her back $50 per pound. “Who can afford that?”…

“How to Twerk” Makes Miami’s Most Googled Searches of 2014

C’mon, Miami… Of all the places in America that should possess an encyclopedic understanding of what it means to “dance in a sexually provocative manner while in a squat, thrusting the hips and popping that booty,” we’d expect the 305 to be numero uno con ese culo. And yet it…

Ferguson Grand Jury Proves Criminal Justice System Is Racist

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. Today, Luke assesses the fallout in Ferguson, Missouri. America took five steps backwards when a grand jury in Ferguson, Missouri, did…

Poison Caused Mysterious Dog Seizures in South Beach

A week after Riptide reported that several South Beach dogs had suffered sudden, sometimes lethal seizures, the animal hospital that treated four victims has confirmed what many suspected: The dogs ingested poison. Lela Morales, a manager at Alton Road Animal Hospital, says the dogs almost certainly ate some kind of…

Golf’s Jackie Robinson Receives Nation’s Highest Honor

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke gives a history lesson on the black golfer who broke the color barrier. On November 24, Barack Obama…