Ask a Failed Musician is a new column from our sister music blog at Dallas Observer, in which Daniel Hopkins helps struggling musicians make sense of their careers and offers advice. Whether or not it will work, who knows? It obviously didn’t work for him. But then again, he was…
Miami’s Five Worst Journalists
Marijuana Didn’t Make the Face-Eater Go Nuts
A hysterical YouTuber named Copper Cab is asking, “WTF GANGNAM STYLE!!?” But we here at Crossfade just wanna know, “WTF LITTLE RED-HEADED XENOPHOBE!!?” This ruddy-faced teenager is either a raspy-throated troll. Or an insecure product of Tea Party America. His object of hatred: K-Pop sensation and crossover star Psy’s “Gangnam…
I have great love for both France and its people, as well as Key West. So it tickled my spine earlier today to read on KeysNet.com that a 23-year-old French tourist named Romain Alvany was ejected from a Duval Street restaurant around 2 a.m. for walking into the kitchen and…
There’s been a ton of talk going on recently about the video of Mitt Romney’s fundraiser in Boca Raton that was leaked to Mother Jones magazine. Yes, we’re talking about the one where he called 47 percent of Americans freeloaders. We found out that the private fundraiser had a price…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke ranks the least trustworthy names in local news.Miami has a lot of media personalities and journalists who are…
When you scrolled through your Facebook and Twitter timelines this weekend, how many updates would you say involved food? A lot. We know. If there isn’t someone rambling on about the presidential election or showing off that they’re getting their nails done or working out at the gym, the most…
Florida Gov. Rick Scott has been dead serious about cleaning up Florida’s elections. First, he targeted 180,000 suspected ineligible voters to strike from the rolls (though he ended up eliminating only 200 after the Department of Justice stepped in). Then, he severely restricted voter registration and reduced early voting.Yet strangely,…
“What’s your favorite restaurant?” That question, recently batted around at our weekly editorial meeting, got us all thinking. If we had to choose one favorite at gunpoint, what would that restaurant be, and why? Each week, a different Short Order blogger will celebrate his or her favorite eatery — be…
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…
No, the Miami Beach City Commission has not formally outlawed the Kardashians, but according to a report, the reality TV family may have trouble in their efforts to film another season of one of their various reality shows in Miami Beach. They’re having a hard time finding a home in…
Forget about absentee ballot brokers stealing elections! Forget about county officials stealing from the public till! Forget about the Miami Marlins ball park boondoggle! Irresponsible dog owners are clearly the greatest menace facing our community.A pair of Miami-Dade County commissioners are pushing legislation that would publicly shame assholes who don’t…
Read “Golden Beach Police: Sexual Assault, Kidnapping And Violence.”When Tammy Valdes tried to expose corruption inside the Golden Beach Police Department, town officials responded by firing the ten-year police veteran. One of the excuses the town used to kick her off the small police force on Nov. 30, 2009? That…
Gabby Douglas’s Hairy Situation
DJ Seasunz’s Drug Use Didn’t Make Him a Murderer
See also “Nicki Minaj ‘Voting For Romney'” and “Obama on Nicki Minaj’s Romney Endorsement.'” Nicki Minaj: rapper, butt-shaker, psychopath, flip-flopper? Well, the YMCMB lady boss insists her political back-and-forthing is just some kind of artistic, lyrical privilege. She’s now claiming that her statement about voting for Mitt Romney was simply…
See also “Obama Salutes Jay-Z at Made in America Fest: ‘He Worked Hard and Plain Refused to Quit.'” He may have come from the bottom of bottom to the Top of the Pops. But the hustler named Shawn Carter doesn’t back blind classicism for the sake of tax-bracket rage, son…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke wants blacks to stop being so envious and hateful toward one another.We African-Americans are our own worst enemies…
The first dose of cultural reflection Miamians enjoyed en masse was the video Shit Miami Girls Say. It was one of the best imitations of the stereotypical Miami we know and love. Deep down inside, we could all relate to it in some way. But last week, Hialeah’s Finest Kitchen With…
See also “Kanye Raps About Kim Kardashian’s Sex Tape, Reveals ‘Dark Twisted [Cuckold] Fantasy.'” The world has been obsessed with Kimye for only about six months. Still, in that short span, this unholy union between two of America’s most dangerous attention-seeking missiles, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, has fueled a…
A lot of rappers get into acting. Some hip-hoppers even try their hand at directing. But not a lot of MCs are making skin flicks. But turns out, Tyga hasn’t made enough money off his huge hit “Rack City.” So he’s turning it into a porn franchise. Hot off getting…
