No Sex on the Nude Beach

Richard Mason, president of South Florida Free Beaches, has a message for you: No sex on the nude beach!”The 78 year old, who helped start the nude beach at the north end of Haulover Park 20 years ago, called to complain about our recent story that said the facility was…

Jay-Z Is King of the Hip-Hop Throne

Luther “Luke” Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke declares the best MCs in hip-hop.After listening to the new Jay-Z and Kanye West album, Watch the…

Marc Sarnoff’s Propane-Huffing Antagonist

Miami Commissioner Marc Sarnoff has a new tormentor. He is Reid Welch, a 57-year-old Coconut Grove resident who eradicates Sarnoff campaign signs from the neighborhood when he is not huffing noxious fumes.”I inhale propane gas to get high, but I am not the least bit nutty,” Welch insists. “I asked…

Mugshots Friday: Celebrity Look-Alike Edition

​Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…

Sally Heyman Wants Control Over Miami Herald Headquarters Casino Plan

​A Malaysian gambling conglomerate’s plans to convert the Miami Herald headquarters and surrounding properties into a luxury resort casino has prompted one county commissioner to seek more control over redevelopment of the Omni neighborhood.Under a proposal by Sally Heyman, one of the 13 county commissioners would become a member of…

Paris Hilton Announces Plans to Become the “Queen of House Music”

Crossfade’s Google Alerts are incredibly random. This morning, sandwiched between Gloria Estefan and Rick Ross, an alert that read, “Paris Hilton Training to Become Most Powerful House DJ Ever!!!” sent chills down our spine. Evidently, the former sex tape reality vixen is a beat freak, and she’s “pretty tight” with…

Ten Totally Tubular ’80s Cartoon Theme Songs

For any kid who grew up in the ’80s, it wasn’t about the content of character. It was about the size of Transformer. After school and Saturday mornings, masses of children spent hour after hour parked in front of turn-knob television screens, adjusting rabbit ears, dying to hear the first…

KC of the Sunshine Band: I Don’t Look Like Rush Limbaugh at a Bar Mitzvah!

Between 1974 and ’78, America’s youth got hooked on a truly putrid form of faddish dance music called disco. The shirts were sickeningly shiny. The pants were excruciatingly tight. And Miami’s own KC (born Harry Wayne Casey), along with his Sunshine Band, provided the soundtrack for this sweaty, polyester-clad shuffle…

Maurice Kutner, Divorce Lawyer To The Stars, Beats A Bad Rap

Divorce lawyer Maurice Kutner was feeling vindicated when he dialed up Banana Republican last week. “She lied about everything concerning me,” Kutner said. “It was very distasteful to experience this. I run my practice by the book.”Two years ago, a former client claimed Kutner had duped her into rejecting a…

Kirby Hocutt: The UM Scandal’s Real Villain

Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke wonders when the NCAA will drop the hammer on former University of Miami athletic director Kirby Hocutt.Now that…

The Journey Home From Voice of the Valley Noise Rally 2011

Read the remaining entries from Roofless Records, Bleeding Palm, and Crossfade’s road trip diary. Voice of the Valley Noise Rally Report #5 Pentress, WV/Springfield, VA/Miami, FL 8/28/2011 After we said our farewell to the strange and epic Indian Meadows, we headed to Springfield, Virginia, (Thank you, Patrick and Karen!) to…

Kunafa: For Breakfast or Dessert?

Welcome to Short Order Show & Tell, where one of us brings a local delicacy to our weekly staff meeting and we all weigh in on its deliciousness.To kick things off, we begin with the humble Kunafa, a sweet-and-savory pastry from Oriental Bakery in Brickell…

Balare: Sex, Drugs, and Rock ‘n’ Roll Charter School Not First

Even if you like charter schools, and I do, you gotta admit that drunken dancing shouldn’t take place there at night.The new allegations reported by NBC and the Miami Herald that a nightclub was operating out of Balare Academy on Quail Roost Drive ain’t the first. Wild times and perversion are a…