Photo by Ian WitlenThe stage is THAT way. Jeez. Millennials, you still do all the drugs and have all the sex, but I have to break it to you — #realtalk — you do not know how to party. And it’s bringing me down. Heading over to what’s supposed to…
A breakfast sandwich is not a complicated thing. Eggs, cheese, and meat are cooked and then stuffed between toasted bread. But in Miami, there aren’t any classic versions of this dish…
Zagat has declared the “Everglades Pizza” at Evan’s Neighborhood Pizza in Ft. Myers as the pizza that best represents the state of Florida. The pie contains somewhat, er, original toppings, such as python, whole frog legs, and alligator sausage. It also costs $45 for a 14-inch pie. You may remember…
As a self-respecting female with professional aspirations and a desire to be taken seriously as an individual, it’s become increasingly difficult to identify with American electronic dance music culture without feeling kind of irresponsible. Six or seven years ago, the playing field was pretty even. We went out to parties,…
Calm down, party girl/boy. Before you go flaunting your shiz in the face of the selector, think about what you’re really getting yourself into. Sure, dating (or even just fucking) a DJ seems like it would be a perk-filled romp through Awesomeville’s romance district. Your new beau will not only…
We used to go to raves to break out of the ordinary, to lose ourselves in a dark room, rubbing against sweaty bodies. To meet strangers from strange lands, each character more colorful and absurd than the last. We’re not sure if it’s just that we’ve been doing it for…
It’s hard to be mad at a panda, but the past few days, people have been expressing outrage at the music video for Ark Music Factory’s song “Chinese Food.” The video, which features the song created by Ark’s cofounder Patrice Wilson, portrays 11-year-old singer Alison Gold frolicking with Wilson in…
Our mother always told us, “Girl, your problems are no more important that anyone else’s.” And maybe that’s true. But now that we have spent three episodes of the Real Housewives of Miami discussing Romain and Joanna’s bedroom issues, we’d sure like to swap issues with the super-pretty newlyweds. Would…
As The Dissident, J.J. Colagrande turns his critical eye on Miami culture. This week: Lay off Le Batard already, everybody. Yesterday, The Dan Le Batard Show broadcast nationwide for the first time on ESPN radio, ESPNradio.com, the ESPN Radio App, and Sirius Channel 84. His show, the highest-rated in our…
When I drove up to my nearest AT&T store at 11:45 p.m. last night, I saw three lawn chairs, two of them occupied, and one person standing. The wait had already begun. The distinction of being the first person to get his hands on a shiny new iPhone 5s at…
Marshall Mathers deserves your respect. He was dealt a real shitty deck in life. His father left him as a baby. His mother mentally abused him. He grew up poor as shit in the bad really bad part of Detroit. And still, he overcame it all to stake a claim…
Ever since dance music decided to overdose on molly, the only thing respectable alternative for pop music lovers is hip-hop. With that said, we’re sorry, hip-hop, but we have to start holding you to a higher standard. You don’t want to end up like EDM, do you? Trust us, you…
The ladies of Miami-Dade do a lot of complaining about their dating prospects. But guys, you have it rough too. You have given your best effort at speed dating. You have hit up every wine bar in a 30-mile radius. There is a good chance you read “Ten Miami Guys…
Right now, EDM is the cheesiest, most sellout-prone music on the planet. It’s a hot-ticket item, and regardless of what the culture might think it signifies or stands for, it’s really all about the Benjamins. C.R.E.A.M., PLUR … Same shit, right? So unfortunately, we’re now becoming accustomed to hearing all…
You’ve tried online dating. You’ve gotten fixed up by friends. You’ve gone home with someone on a whim. Somehow, you’re still single. Is it you? Is it them? How should you know? You’re just a stranger out there in internetland. But we do know plenty of men in this city…
Well, it has finally happened. The Miami Marlins are now officially one step away from hosting tractor pulls in the outfield during the home at-bats and two steps from converting the upper deck into a poorly rated youth hostel. This Saturday, Marlins Park — the stadium that stares blankly across…
Had he lived to see a court date, Israel “Reefa” Hernandez-Llach could have argued that his tagging of a derelict Miami Beach building at 71st Street and Collins Avenue was neither mischievous, malicious, destructive, nor damaging. He could have insisted he wasn’t a vandal at all. Instead, he died after…
Yesterday’s New York Post review of upcoming SyFy reality show, Heroes of Cosplay, angered quite a few of us in the geek community. The article portrays the cosplay community as “confused” and “weird,” all while looking down its nose at those who might enjoy the creative pursuit. Yes, cosplay is…
Hip-hop has hit a new low. It’s nothing but a flashy circus full of liars, cheats, and corporate scum. They all want to talk big shit about coming from the streets or representing the hood, but too many have never seen an actual corner in their lives. Not only are…
They say hate is just twisted appreciation, and if that’s the case, Tiësto must be the biggest Daft Punk fan on the planet. He just has a funny way of showing it. He recently went on a huge dig-fest, calling the robots an overhyped waste of studio space, talking smack…
These days, you can probably spit and hit a DJ. But that doesn’t mean DJing is easy. Sure, technology has given every 12-year-old and drunk frat doucher the ability to sync. But mindlessly pushing buttons on digital decks isn’t any kind of indication you’re actually any good. We know it’s…
Yo, bro! The Heat won! We are them big two-timers, and you know our boys are going to keep their strong up and come back for another title in 2014. How could it be any other way? But would you believe it? There are still a bunch of haters out…
