Audio By Carbonatix
Christmas carols are awful. They’re cheery, and wintery, and boast the same effects as Ambien does for insomnia.
The 12 Days of Christmas is your Christmas playlist’s biggest offender.
But when things go awry at the Christmas table tonight, Short Order has a way of one-upping the hot mess that results from Uncle Tony’s slurred words and Nana’s Bourbon-wasted pecan pie.
After everyone’s third bottle of Malbec, just sway your glasses to the melody of 12 Days of Christmas – Short Order style.
When news happens, Miami New Times is there —
Your support strengthens our coverage.
We’re aiming to raise $30,000 by December 31, so we can continue covering what matters most to you. If Miami New Times matters to you, please take action and contribute today, so when news happens, our reporters can be there.
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…A partridge in a pear tree A poached pear with red wine gastrique.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… and a poached pear with red wine gastrique.Two turtle doves Two chocolate turtles
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… Two chocolate turtles and a poached pear with red wine gastrique.Three French hens Three cornish hens
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… Three cornish hens Two chocolate turtles and a poached pear with red wine gastrique.Four Colly birds Four turkey birds
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me… Four turkey birds Three cornish hens Two chocolate turtles and a poached pear with red wine gastrique.Five golden rings Five onion rings
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me… Five onion rings Four turkey birds Three cornish hens Two chocolate turtles and a poached pear with red wine gastrique.Six geese-a-laying Six Lake Meadow geese
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
Six Lake Meadow geese Five onion rings Four turkey birds Three cornish hens Two chocolate turtles and a poached pear with red wine gastrique.Seven swans-a-swimming Seven Chinese take-out swans
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
Seven Chinese take-out swans Six Lake Meadow geese Five onion rings Four turkey birds Three cornish hens Two chocolate turtles and a poached pear with red wine gastrique.Eight maids-a-milking Eight girls from Hooters
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me… Eight girls from Hooters Seven Chinese take-out swans Six Lake Meadow geese Five onion rings Four turkey birds Three cornish hens Two chocolate turtles and a poached pear with red wine gastrique.Nine ladies dancing Nine South Beach strip clubs
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me… Nine South Beach strip clubs Eight girls from Hooters Seven Chinese take-out swans Six Lake Meadow geese Five onion rings Four turkey birds Three cornish hens Two chocolate turtles and a poached pear with red wine gastrique.Ten lords-a-leaping Ten deep fried frog legs
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me… Ten deep fried frog legs Nine South Beach strip clubs Eight girls from Hooters Seven Chinese take-out swans Six Lake Meadow geese Five onion rings Four turkey birds Three cornish hens Two chocolate turtles and a poached pear with red wine gastrique.Eleven pipers piping Eleven icing pipes
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me… Eleven icing pipes Ten deep fried frog legs Nine South Beach strip clubs Eight girls from Hooters Seven Chinese take-out swans Six Lake Meadow geese Five onion rings Four turkey birds Three cornish hens Two chocolate turtles and a poached pear with red wine gastrique.Twelve drummers drumming Twelve chicken drum sticks
Follow Alex on Twitter @ARodWrites.
Follow Short Order on Facebook , on Twitter @Short_Order, and Instagram @ShortOrder.
