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There were plenty of Miami Dolphins players who soiled themselves during last Sunday’s 46 to 34 loss to the New Orleans Saints. But none more thoroughly than Ted Ginn Jr. His drive-killing drop in the fourth quarter stunk. And his miraculous tip to Darren Sharper, who ran the interception back for a TD in the third quarter, was truly odorific.
We could unleash another tirade, but we’re the forgiving, forward-thinking sort of liberals who believe every situation can be made into something positive. So instead, we submit to you the ways Ted Ginn can repay Miami.
10. Build a time machine, go back to 1993, and take up tennis.
9. Dress up as Edward Rubberhands for Halloween.
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8. Swim to Cuba, depose the Castro brothers, and hold democratic elections.
7. Buy all the vacant condo units downtown and turn them into affordable housing.
6. Steal every Romero Britto sculpture, melt them down, and fertilize Homestead’s family farms.
5. Persuade his dad, Ted Ginn Sr., the Michael Jordan of educators, to move the Ginn Academy to Miami.
4. Get bitten by a radioactive spider.
3. Set up Channing Crowder and Gibril Wilson to fall in love so they quit football and run away to South Beach.
2. Direct traffic on Biscayne Boulevard at 36th Street.
1. Ginn is an Ohio guy. Get LeBron to sign with the Heat and we’ll call it even.
