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Can it be only last week that we were invaded by hordes of screaming, mildly retarded tourists? It seems they have left some of their finest morons, many of them in jail cells throughout the county. Let’s take a look at the Morons of the Week: Super Bowl Aftermath Edition.
Whoever entered the former Buccaneers tackle in the Which NFL Personality Can’t Handle a Super Bowl in Miami sweepstakes, come up and collect your prize: A ShamWow, in honor of the pitchman who similarly was accused of beating up a woman in a Miami Beach hotel. Very unoriginal, Warren!
4. Fred Quinton Collins, the Alleged Hawaiian Pimp Who Brought Three Prostitutes to Work the Super Bowl, Including An Underage Girl
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This guy is great for “Guess the Pimp’s Nickname!” Is it Freaky Fred? Iceberg Collins? Q-Ball Slim? Enter your suggestions below, kids!
3. Michael IrvinOkay, if you chose this Hall of Fame Cowboy in the Sweepstakes, you’ve won an ashtray with Dwyane Wade’s face on it — in honor of athletes being hit with sexual lawsuits that are somewhat dubious but nonetheless fun to gossip about! Enjoy!
If you bought the trifecta ticket featuring Sapp, Irvin, and Dolphins defensive tackle McDaniel, you win the grand prize: A signed copy of Pacman Jones’ poetry manuscript, entitled, simply, Rain. Huzzah!
1. Any members of the “deaf community” who think the deaf-little-girl-Super-Bowl-essay-winner is wrong to have gotten surgery to improve her hearing
You’ve officially crossed into evil-person territory. Congrats, here’s your life-size Rae Carruth cut-out!
