Dolphins Wait Until Last Possible Moment to Crap Themselves

The Miami Dolphins dominated pretty much every facet of the game against the Cleveland Browns yesterday, including rushing and passing yards. They even held a 16-10 lead with 43 seconds remaining.But because they are the Dolphins, they went ahead and did that thing where they go all epic fail on…

Oh, Good Grief!

Get ready for a long-running play that features a shrill and domineering girl, a boy with an oral fixation, and one of the biggest losers in pop-culture history (who also might or might not be clinically depressed). Is it a Sarah Kane play? Perhaps something by Arthur Miller? Why, no!…

Cameron Crowe’s Pearl Jam Twenty Documentary Premieres in Miami

Cameron Crowe’s rock doc Pearl Jam Twenty, which premiered last night at a packed Tower Theater, fittingly begins with aerial shots of Seattle. Then it quickly cuts to footage from a local television interview of the band when it was just starting out. Frontman Eddie Vedder sits with his band…

To the Amazement of Absolutely Nobody, Dolphins Fall to 0-2

The Amazing Shitshow! that is your Miami Dolphins fell to the Houston Texans for the sixth straight time, in a 23-13 ass-whoopin’ yesterday afternoon. The Dolphins are now 0-2 to start the season, have lost 11 of their last 12 games at home, can’t convert a third down for dick,…

Heros to Zeros

What’s better than diverse and subversive stage readings presented by young, hungry, and driven actors? Nothing, except when those stage readings also include music, audience interaction, and cheap admission. Ground Up & Rising, the award-winning theater and film organization, is doing just that for its fall season with the reading…

Texas-Size Whoopin’

It’s bad enough the Miami Dolphins are mired in a giant shit sack of mediocrity year after year. But the dudes who decide who plays whom in the NFL have also decided to dookie all over our football team by saddling it with a crap-tacularly difficult schedule. The Fins have…

Shocker Mom

A daughter does some household chores and prepares to give her mother a manicure when she suddenly and indifferently notifies Mom that she’s going to kill herself in a few hours. It might sound like an obscure B-side ’90s Springsteen song, but it’s actually the plot to ‘Night Mother. Alliance…

Dolphins at Tampa Bay Preseason: Chad Henne Coming Around?

The Dolphins lost 17-13 to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers last night. But Chad Henne played well, so… EVERYTHING IS TOTALLY GOING TO BE OKAY NOW!The third pre-season game is generally considered the most important, since it’s where the first-teamers get the most playing time before the real games begin. It’s…

Sibling Rivalry

From Cain and Abel to the dudes from Oasis, brothers have a long history of fighting and generally acting like pricks with each other. Sometimes it’s jealousy. Other times it’s because they simply have nothing in common. In the play The Brothers Size, two brothers living in the Louisiana bayou…

The Six Biggest A**holes in Shakespeare

Henry V, which opens this Friday at New Theatre, is one of William Shakespeare’s most memorable plays featuring arguably his most noble and heroic character, the valiant King Henry.But Henry seems to be the exception in a long line of Shakespearean characters who were complete and total assholes. Amoral, power-hungry,…

Miami Dolphins Sign Running Back Larry Johnson, Think It’s 2005

​The Miami Dolphins signed ex-Chiefs running back Larry Johnson as they continue to bolster and tinker with their running back corps, which was probably the only spot on the roster that didn’t entirely suck raccoon balls last year. Johnson’s best and only good seasons were 2005 and 2006, when he…